As I rest away in Maui this week, I have a special guest to fill the page! Meet Joy, a friend and writing comrade who opens her house each month to our Christian writers group, Writers Cafe (and must also say provides the sweetest treats as well my favorite brand of coffee)!
There’s been something niggling to get to the forefront of my mind all week. Something I keep shoving back. It’s a No-I-don’t-want-to-do-that! kind of shove.
But then an email from a friend arrives:
“Have you surrendered your role as _________________ to God? Are you willing to let it go completely and allow that His plan may be different, and not just resign yourself to that, but embrace it with anticipation?”
Rats! Way to bring up the elephant in the room. Now I can’t shove the niggling thought – the conviction from God – away. There it is, staring me right in the face.
God’s plans are not syncing with my plans. And I’m not happy about it!!
I’m reminded of myself 25 years ago, when I was a busy young mom with plans and schedules and an everything-must-run-smoothly attitude: We are rushing to get to piano lessons. 4-year-old J is complaining of a sore tummy but I chock it up to the notion that she doesn’t want to go to piano. We have a schedule to keep!
Not until she throws up at the open car door do I realize, this child is ill!
I shove down the mom-guilt, pick her up, wrap her in cuddles, tuck her into bed.
Call the piano teacher.
Then, in a flash, God gives me a picture –
Holding up to Him my open calendar and saying, “Here’s my schedule, Lord. Bless it.”
Like I’m the one in charge.
Here I am 25 years later and I’m wrestling with the same issue.
Why is it so hard to surrender my plan to Him? It’s a good plan. It’s not over the top. Anyone in my shoes would think this plan was the right thing to do. And yet, it’s obvious that it’s not working.
I know from experience that life is just better when I’m surrendered to God’s will. And I want that.
But God, don’t you think this is a good plan? I can’t imagine a different one.
And there it is. Of course I can’t imagine a different one. I’m not God. I’m not all seeing. All knowing.
Wouldn’t I rather have the Someone who knew me from before I was born, who was there when I was knit together in my mom’s womb, who has numbered all of my days, who created the sun — THE SUN!! … wouldn’t I want that Someone to be in charge of my itty bitty little plan?
Yeah, I guess I would.
So Father God, take this good plan of mine. I surrender it to you with a tiny bit of oh no! What happens now?
Because of Who You are and because of Your faithfulness to me in the past, I know that your ways are higher – are better – than mine. Help me completely surrender this thing and completely let go. It’s so hard but with Your help I can do it.
And then … Peace washes over me.
Oh yes, this was the right – the best – thing to do.
For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days of my life were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.
(Psalm 139: 13, 16)
Unto You , O Lord, do I bring my life. (Psalm 25:1)
Joy writes from her home in Edmonton where she lives with her husband, daughter # 3, and a cat named Calvin. You can find her at Scraps of Joy